Tag:New York Giants
Posted on: December 24, 2008 11:05 am
Edited on: December 24, 2008 11:14 am

Plax Wishes You a Merry Gun-Mas

The NYPD announced that Giants receiver Plaxico Burress had a small weapons cache in his house.

And a suitcase full of money.

Guess Burress doesn't trust the banks either.

Why in the hell does Burress allegedly need a 9-mm handgun and a rifle and ammunition for a .380, a .45 and .40?

Even Tank Johnson thinks that's a little extreme.

Again, I ask the question: why does any citizen need to keep that kind of firepower in their home?

What's legal and what's common sense are two different things. One gun is fine but three or four or maybe even five?

No one is coming after you, Burress. No one. Not al-Qaeda, not the Mafia, not drug lords. Not Tina Turner's character from "Mad Max." No one. Not even the Borg. And if the Borg came after you, they'd just adapt after your first few shots.

Keeping that many guns in the home is just stupid and dangerous.

But then again we are talking about Plaxcident.

Please don't shoot Santa when he comes down your chimney.

Category: NFL
Posted on: November 29, 2008 1:54 pm

Plaxico Burress = Maxwell Smart

Boy, that Plaxico Burress sure is a crack shot.

How exactly did he allegedly accidentally shoot himself?

Out of the shotgun?


I can see Burress at the club:

Woman: "Aren't you Plaxico Burress?

Burress: "Why, yes I am. Would you like to dance?"

Woman: "Yes."

(They start to dance.)

Woman: "Is that a gun in your pocket about to discharge or are you just happy to meet me?"

Isn't this type of thing that only happens to Pacman Jones?

As someone who has spent much of his life around guns, from being in the military, to target shooting, I can say this: You have to be an idiot with a bloated sense of fail to accidentally shoot yourself.

A stone, cold careless idiot.

It's good that Burress wasn't seriously injured but excuse me if I don't feel much sympathy for him.

And excuse me while I chuckle.

Said it before and I'll say it again: Athletes and guns are a terrible mix.

Absolutely, positively terrible. Because many of them -- not all -- but many are too arrogant to put the kind of time it takes to be a responsible gun owner.

Dopes and guns don't mix.

Eh, Plax?
Category: NFL
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